So You’re Married, Now What? by Stephen Van Basten
I am not a fan of self help books. I find they often make me feel like a child caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to be doing, and is now getting scolded for. This is purely a personal feeling towards help book. When TBB was contacted to do some reviews, well, I’m the only married one, so of course it’d be up to me to read So You’re Married. Despite this aversion of mine I decided to jump straight in.
Though we are still a fairly young, ‘new’ married couple (together for 8, married for 5) we’ve naturally encountered a fair number of challenges already, we’ve even done a brief stint of marriage councilling so I am always interested in finding enjoyable means of strengthening our bond.
Right. So first of all, there is absolutely no stern, condescending tone in this book. Stephen has a friendly and conversational tone which helped me lower my walls a little bit more. He includes little smiling emoji’s and utilises the yin-yang as a reminder of differences being OK. I appreciate the overall message being to communicate and thus obtain balance.
Throughout the book are tasks that are to be completed. There is also the inclusion of what I guess could be considered case studies, three couples discussed and the issues they are facing.
These assist in enforcing points discussed, as well as acting as a gateway to communicate openly as a couple. I would really love to see someone develop an affordable/easy interactive app for ebooks, it’d be far easier when reading to just type it instead of writing. (Yes, fine, I’m lazy)
I think what is important to note about this book is that it relies on a mutual input from both partners. Most marriage aid’s I’ve seen have been directed at only one partner. For example, how you can show your wife you love her, or 10 Ways to Get Yours Husband to Fall Back in Love. So you’re married… is the kind of book which ensures that there is a continuous undertaking and commitment from both partners to not only complete the exercises, but to communicate about it too.
I appreciated the honesty that is used by Stephen, falling back on his own marriage and providing his own individual experiences and thoughts. I do think he should consider moving other people’s website links to a resources page at the end of the book, I appreciate the need to source those you feel build your goal with a book, but too often and it starts to get a little much as well as appearing to sell your own self short. He’s made some brilliant observations which are followed (too closely) by that of another individual which while pertinent, hasn’t been as inspiring
And listen, my favourite chapter of all… Sex. Oh, what an incredible humour there is in it. I wasn’t looking forward to reading it, I was worried I’d blush which considering I am at work, would have been awkward, but Stephen is frank but in a friendly and amusingly comfortable way.
There are a few areas I can identify that, once attended to will really push this book to a whole new level, but I will admit that I was pleasantly surprised to enjoy a ‘self-help’ book for a change. Stephen has given my husband and I some pertinent tools to use in finding the same footing which we need in order to take our 8 years up to 40.
Review Rating: 3.5 of 5
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Genre: Self Help
